In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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