a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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