I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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