I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
