My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
