just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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