yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
