last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
the day after is always just damage control
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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