If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize
