birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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