Apparently you make a good broom.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
