and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
