just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
