gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
