someone get that fucking seahorse.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Randomize
