Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
