Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
