So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
