I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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