How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
In other news, I just burned my penis
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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