i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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