His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
