I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
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