I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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