i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
