70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
