STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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