I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
