I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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