i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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