can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
