So drunk its hurt
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
