Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
