Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
