I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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