Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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