Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
