My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
