once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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