1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
