My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
