i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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