i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
