If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
