Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
