Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
