Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
