1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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