her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Randomize
