Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
it hurts more in the daytime
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
