doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
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