"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
