I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
